I knew.

I am not sad. I am angry.

I am not crying because I am mad. I am crying because I am hurt.

All this time you have tried to make me feel like you want me. Made me feel like just maybe I had finally found someone different from everyone else.

If you knew in the beginning that you didn’t feel right with me then why did you continue to lead me on. Why did you decide to make me believe that this was something it was not.

Usually I would say that this was my fault, normally I would tell myself that I should have known. But this time I can’t say that because I thought our history would carry us further than that.

I was wrong.

I was wrong about you. I was wrong for telling myself that we were something we were not. I was wrong for believing that we could have been different. I was so terribly wrong.

Still, I sit here with tears rolling down my face and I know that if you were here and asked me what was wrong, I would lie to you. I would tell you it wasn’t because of you and that I was only having a bad day. I would hug you and tell you I love you even though I knew saying those words would cause another piece of my heart to fade away.

I would wait for you to build up the courage to tell me you felt we were better off friends and nothing more and even though I already know all of what you were saying was true, when I hear the words come roaring from your lips I will have allowed them to cut right through me. They will pierce through my chest ripping through everything they touch causing the pressure of ten bricks to soak through my bones until my lungs collapse before reaching their final destination and tear my heart like it was paper watching it fall to my stomach in a bunch of tiny pieces.

Yet, STILL I will have known all of this would happen the whole time and I’ll go on asking myself what I did or didn’t do that was not enough for you.

But I knew.

-K.P

The Note

This comes easy don´t it? The pain?

It is easy to hurt. It is easy to spill my heart on these pages. Yet, I push everyone away when they try to help.

Why do you do this? What the hell are you afraid of?

Afraid to become dependent, afraid that I will begin to trust people too much, so much that I will forget how to be on my own, forget how to survive alone. I will be used. I will be chewed up and spit out without a second thought.  Still, I am here telling this paper how I feel. Knowing that no one will see this and I will be safe.

I will forever be wrapped in this blanket because as long as I stay here no one can hurt me.

Note to Self: Dear K.P,

You will be cold. You will not care anymore. You will be stuck here, stuck in this whole for the rest of your life. Finally you´re mine.  I got you and I will NEVER let you go. –From: Your Mind.

– K.P.

My Heavy Heart

Everyday my heart feels heavy but I am unable to speak about how I feel because we could never just have a conversation, all we do is yell and argue. We argue because you could never know how I´m feeling and what my mind is thinking about.

Everyday I am in my head, I am somewhere that consumes me, a place that I can´t escape. I can not continue thinking like this. When I´m alone all I want to do is cry like my head is telling me I´m not good enough.

-K.P.

Drowning

I wish I could connect to people and open up, but how can I show people the darkness Iḿ drowning in everyday.

How can I show people the tears that linger on my pillow each night. I am supposed to smile and put my fake face on. I am supposed to be the one that makes everyone else feel better be everyone´s shoulder to cry on while I´m slowly losing myself.

What about me? How am I supposed to open up and talk to people if all I know how to do is smile when my face

burns and my throat is so tight I begin to think I might suffocate. How can I be myself if deep down I don´t even know who I am anymore. I´m lost because the only thing faster than light is the darkness.

As many will tell you ¨everyone has their breaking point.¨ but honestly who will be there when it´s my turn to fall

apart? All of those around me know they don´t have to worry because they will have me, yet I feel alone. I am feeling like a fish in a bowl when all I want is to be free in the wide open waters. Instead, I´m drowning because no one has been here to remind me how to swim.

– K.P.

Hey!

Dear, incoming students.

First I would like to say welcome to Mrs. Garber’s class I know you will absolutely love her! Now, I want to jump right in so the biggest thing to remember and this is for any and all of your classes is do what you’re supposed to ON TIME. You will get one chance each 9 weeks to do a make up assignment in Mrs. Garber’s take advantage of that.

Next thing is just remember to have fun, because before you know it the school year will be over and you don’t want to end it regretting anything. Although we are not perfect own your mistakes and just keep moving forward, because if you overwhelm yourself with doubt of the mistakes you have made it will affect you more in the long run. High school is meant to be fun and you are going to get a lot more responsibility for yourself. No more walking down the hall holding your teachers hand, you must take full responsibility for yourself and just think twice before you make a decision.

Finally, my favorite part about high school is that you will learn who you are. Friends will change, those who are your best friends right now may not even say hi to you by the end of the year but don’t let that bring you down because while other people are changing you are changing as well. Don’t follow others be a leader and take control of your life be whoever you want to be and don’t change for anyone else but yourself, because the next 4 years are going to be most different than anything you’ve experienced and you’re going to want to be yourself as you get closer to knowing what YOU want to do before you graduate. Even though this is your first year every year counts. GOOD LUCK!!!

First Day

Walk through the doors

No familiar faces.

So many people.

crowded, scared, feeling so small.

I see you across the room

I run, breath swept from my lungs.

You smile, I smile.

No familiar faces.

Except for one.

All new rules

All new rooms

I stayed strong

Not standing very tall.

Lunch was so loud

So many people talking

It’s hard being the new kids

Finally I find myself staring out the car window

Wishing it was that day all over again.

Scenery

No way to move, you watch.

Nowhere to go, you stay.

Green and growing.

Soft and calm.

Poky and dangerous.

You stand tall with branches reaching for the light like a baby reaching for it’s mother.

PC: Makaela Lesley

Week 8 challenge. Game 1!

Hello!

I decided to do Game on because I absolutely love visiting so many different sites.

The first blog I did was Emily from England who is now in Australia.  My attention went to her post because as I was going through blogs the color of her blog grabbed my attention and I loved the effort she put into her work.

Another blog I commented on was Yahshua from USA. He actually happens to be in my class but his writing is absolutely awesome. His diction is amazing and the vivid descriptions he gives in a lot of his writing was just so cool to read.

The third blog I commented on was Ashton’s blog who had a very educated post about the steelers number one running back Antonio Brown. Which actually interested me because I as well love football and have an eye for the steelers however Cowboys happen to be my favorite team which helped me build my comment to his post.

The fourth blog I visited was Pathway through school because everyone has a different view on school and goes down different paths in school depending on the options they are given. I loved this blog first just because of the set up my attention was immediately drawn because the site itself is set up amazingly.

Finally the last site I visited was Judit. I actually came about this on accident because I clicked on the wrong side blog but I was disappointed because this blog had an amazing poem and as I read it the message that was being presented was just absolutely awesome and it was deep enough for anyone to really relate.

So those are my five sites that I visited doing game 1. This was actually really fun and I seen some crazy blog sites. I hope other people enjoy these blogs and maybe even visit some blogs from their links. Have a great day!

Talk to me.

For week 7 blogging challenge I have decided to write about the contacting, connecting, and communicating that we have with each other with so much technology. How we speak to each other, is it good? When we text we don’t want to type for 3 hours trying to tell someone a story so to shorten what we are saying we create text replacements such as “lol,” “brb,” ect. However, when we talk face to face we don’t say “lol” because we have that interaction together where you can see clearly that I am laughing.

This is just an opinion but I do not feel like texting is always such a good thing. Technology defines how we communicate and as human beings it is proven that we need human interaction to keep sain. Our contact with family at the dinner table becomes silent. Teenagers want to talk to there best friends and adults have to rely on their technology for work. I strongly believe that some things are just meant to be put down.

My Music.

You ever just use music as an escape? Well if you do then you’ll understand this perfectly. If not I’ll explain it to you. See, with life brings great sorrow,stress, and happiness. However, which of those you see the most of depends on the choices you make and how you decide to tell your story. Today it seems like all I hear is people listening to rap, that’s all I hear when I am around my friends. Then I hear how much hate people have toward one another, is that really where you want to be? Is that the kind of society you want to create for yourselves? My answer without a doubt would be no.

Obviously now you want to know what do I listen to then. Well, that’s a very easy answer I listen to country. To keep my head clean of the wrongful things people say to each other. I surround myself and drowned out my thoughts in talks about family being together, going on adventures, and finding one to share your life with. Yeah it might sound unreachable yet there are people who have already reached it.

My favorite song right now is Love Triangle by Realynn, because growing up I had a lot of my family split apart. My grandparents got divorced and my aunt and uncle it got really tough for all of the family. My family loves to party and have big dinners but it was so hard to invite everyone because they family didn’t always get along. This song talks about a child that had to live through that with her parents and at the end of the day it can really bare a burden on the children such as a me and my cousin Jayden because we are the same age so we had to face this situation at the same time.

Country has truly changed my life. It defines how I have fun and what I do when things get tough, it’s how I love and how I look at people. I hope others enjoy this music as much as I do because it’s fantastic. Country has recently hit the most popular genre of music in America and is slowly moving toward the “center of music.”  So maybe not as many people are listening to rap as I thought. Which would only bring up a totally different question and story for another time. Bye Bye!